I sent this message to my list the other day and received a goodly amount of positive responses, so it must have hit a nerve. Maybe it’ll help you, too. Girl meets guy (usually on some Internet site). Girl is lukewarm about guy. Guy seems really, really hot on girl. Girl decides to give guy a chance. Guy talks about how he’d like to get married one day. Asks girl if she’d like to get married one day. She likes Indian food. So does he. Hey, she’d be crazy not to, right?

On a later date, he asks her if she’d consider moving nearer to his area. At this point, she realizes a) he does seem like a pretty good catch, and b) he’s clearly not afraid of commitment, which is a plus. She decides to keep seeing him. She talks herself into liking him more and more. She changes her relationship status on Facebook to ‘In a Relationship.’ They have a lot in common. She likes photography. So does he. She likes jazz. So does he. She likes Indian food. So does he.

He continues to talk about the future. She finds herself falling for him. But then he calls one night — 24 hours after they enjoyed a splendid restaurant meal together — and says, “I don’t know how much of a commitment I can give you.” She’s stunned. She’s shocked. She’s thinking, “IS THIS GUY BREAKING UP WITH ME??” Sure enough, he is. (Not that he comes out and tells her, of course. The clown just stops calling.) She spends some time beating herself up. She’s stunned.

What did she do wrong? How did she offend him? How did she blow this? When a man starts talking marriage, future, commitment too soon, it’s very possible he’s GAUGING YOUR INTEREST IN HIM. It’s all about him, you see: Do you like him? Do you think he’s attractive? Would you consider getting to know him better? It’s an ego trip, and it likely has very little to do with you. He’ll stick around. And gently change the subject. How do you prevent this from happening to you?